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Karen Hollis | Dec 21, 2025 Advent 4 | Love
Matthew 1:18-25 Now the birth of Jesus the Messiah took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been engaged to Joseph, but before they lived together, she was found to be pregnant from the Holy Spirit. Her husband Joseph, being a righteous man and unwilling to expose her to public disgrace, planned to divorce her quietly. But just when he had resolved to do this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, for the child conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” All this took place to fulfill what had been spoken by the Lord through the prophet: “Look, the virgin shall become pregnant and give birth to a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel,” which means, “God is with us.” When Joseph awoke from sleep, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him; he took her as his wife but had no marital relations with her until she had given birth to a son, and he named him Jesus
May the words of my mouth and the meditations of all our hearts be reflections of your word to us today, in Christ’s name we pray. Amen
Some years ago, I came to the end of a tv series that had run for like 10 seasons. I was completely invested in all the characters and the story. In the last few minutes of the series, they showed a scene from 5 years in the future. One of the daughters was all grown up and married to someone who hadn’t been introduced in the show before. Who was this guy? We don’t know – but wait, he was one of the main characters on another show that ran for multiple seasons and was watched by a similar audience. Oh, we love him! He’s such a great guy and lovely actor – I love that she ended up with someone like him! Those who cast the last episode took a shortcut – because they didn’t have time for character development, they cast someone who was already known and loved and could bring that context to an unknown character.
In the genre of scripture, the convention of mirroring one character after another is very common. The author we know as Matthew, did this with Joseph. Here in the first 2 chapters of the gospel is Joseph’s cameo appearance, after which he is hardly mentioned again. In these chapters, this unknown man to us, is presented with a tricky human situation. Readers of the gospel might wonder how he will navigate this quandary, then the text reminds us that he is not the first Joseph in scripture to find himself in a challenging situation.
We remember Joseph from the book of Genesis, one of the 12 sons of Jacob/Israel and Rachel. This Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers, ends up in Egypt, then in prison. He also consistently gains the trust of others and
moves into positions of authority and responsibility. He has prophetic dreams and is an excellent interpreter of other people’s dreams, most importantly the Pharoh. He eventually becomes Pharoh’s right hand and from that position of responsibility, is able to save his own family from famine.
With that context in mind, we return to the first chapter of Matthew and this new Joseph, who also sees messengers in his dreams and saves his family by bringing them to Egypt (that happens after the Magi leave).
Joseph and Mary are as good as married – their engagement is a legal agreement between their families, and breaking it off would require a certificate of divorce. We are told little about Mary’s pregnancy. In the region where they live, consummating the marriage a little early is not unheard of and isn’t a serious offense. So, perhaps he’s the only one who knows the baby isn’t his. Is he hurt or angry? Was he already looking for a way out?
Joseph lives in an honour/shame culture, where he is taught to avoid shame and protect his honour and that of his family. Being unfaithful to a fiancé is a serious offense and has implications for everyone involved, so one would not make that accusation casually. Perhaps he tells someone on purpose or by accident . . . and then everyone knows.
I wonder if he curses and kicks at the ground, thinking, “I don’t want to be in this situation. How did I get here? How do I get out of this?” I’m sure he’s not the only one who has thought those words before. “I don’t want to be in this situation.” Perhaps he prays for guidance and spends days going through all the possibilities he can think of . . .
We’ve talked a lot about possibilities in this enflesh series . . . yes, we are generally well served by opening ourselves to all available possibilities . . . and at some point, we must choose. Possibilities are ethereal, they exist in our imaginations, in a space where heart and mind come together. Once they take on form, they become visible, perhaps have a shape, others can interact with them. They can often still be changed, however change in the physical happens more slowly than the speed of thought.
For us humans, the process of choosing is often messy, or at least there is a messy phase. The available possibilities are wrapped up in our beliefs, the expectations of those around us, our own thoughts and feelings. Sometimes they feel like a big tangled mess in the middle of our stomachs or weighing on our shoulders. Sometimes we push them into a closet and shut the door, or squeeze them under the floorboards. Unpacking that tangled mess can be a real discipline and practice. The process of discerning the way forward is heavily reliant on sorting through and getting clarity on our thoughts and emotions, because they impact what we ultimately bring into being.
Joseph finally decides to quietly dissolve his engagement with Mary. He lays down to go to sleep and a messenger visits him in a dream. “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, for the child conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you are to name him Jesus” . . . which means, “one who saves.”
Perhaps Joseph wakes slowly, traveling from far away in dream land, back into consciousness. As he stirs, he is still able to perceive bits and pieces of the angel’s visit, flashes of images, twinges of emotion, echoes of a voice, until he suddenly inhales sharply and opens his eyes. “There’s something bigger here. God is doing something that’s bigger than me or her.” With a broader and wider view of the situation, perhaps Joseph finds himself in alignment: his mind, his heart, his energy, and body united for a holy purpose . . . even if it was sure to make some waves in his community.
This is the moment that theologian Iris Murdoch might say Joseph fell in love. For Murdoch, “Love is the extremely difficult realization that something other than oneself is real.”1 Something other than oneself is real. While this isn’t necessarily a romantic love, more like a divine love or the love of deep friendship, it sounds like marriage to me.
But it also reminds me of life in community. For any minister, the process of getting to know a congregation is the process of falling in love. It's kind of like slowly lifting a veil. This love is at the heart of life in community and deepens with every opportunity to get to know each other. Whether we’re in the flow or navigating crunchy moments, we’re invited to see one another . . . as human, as beloved and imperfect, as Christ. When we really see each other, we love.
Joseph is gifted with this expanded view of his life and how it fits into God’s unfolding story, and perhaps he falls in love . . . with Mary or with Jesus, or with God. This is a big shift for him, going from confusion to love. Perhaps he hurries to Mary’s home and invites her to come and sit. Perhaps he shares his dream and revelation about God’s work in their lives. Perhaps they talk about awe and fear, commitment and uncertainty. And as they share, I wonder if they become aware of the seeds of partnership being planted between them, as they see each other more clearly than ever before, as they realize they are joined together by the mystery. As the years unfold, perhaps their alignment and partnership nurtures a remarkable young life. Perhaps it is through their love that Jesus first learns about the immensity of God’s love for us. Thanks be to God.
Open Space
Light Candles
Rocks in water
Nativity Displays
Questions for Reflection:
Reflect on difficult choices you have made in life:
How did you discern the path forward?
Has your process of discernment changed over time?
What was God's role in the process?
When you stand fully in your choice, how do you feel?