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Luke 10: 41-42

But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried

and distracted by many things;  there is need of only one thing.

Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.”

 

During these COVID times, much like before, when we encounter someone we know on one of our walks, or on Zoom and even by phone, we often ask the question, “How are you doing?”  It seems like a simple question and should have a relatively simple answer but it is actually one of the most contextual questions that we ask.  When asked that question, we automatically put it into our filtering system:

  • Is this someone asking, just to be polite, who doesn’t really care what the answer is? ·      
  • Is this a casual acquaintance who might possibly care, but someone who we don’t feel comfortable sharing deeply personal information with? ·      
  • Is this a colleague or work-related relationship which really means, “How is work going?” and knows nothing of your personnel life? ·      
  • Is this a friend who cares but you probably wouldn’t share extremely personal events with because it might make both of you feel uncomfortable? ·      
  • Is this a really good friend, or family member who wants to know, who really cares and is prepared to listen to the good, the bad, and the ugly?

It means that we quickly evaluate the quality of the relationship, the depth of the relationship and the appropriateness of what we want to share, then put the information through our filtering system and respond accordingly. This means, regardless of what type of week we’re having, we will give a response – anything from, “I’m doing good, how about you?” to “I’m really having a tough time this week because . . . . .” and everything in between.

As a minister, sometimes I qualify the question by repeating it; “I really do want to know how you are doing?”  This clarification helps people filter the question, qualify the relationship and conveys the message that I am not simply being polite – I REALLY do want to know you are doing.

This week, a good friend and previous neighbour of mine back in Alberta, died suddenly.  And of course, because of COVID, there will be no service.  I feel bad because, even though I haven’t seen much of him since I moved to BC, we were good friends who saw each other a couple times a week for over twenty years. Even though this event weighs heavily upon my heart and occupies much of my thoughts, I have encountered a number of people this week who asked how I was doing, and my automatic response was, “Fine!”

Perhaps a better question we might ask one another is, “What have you learned in this past week?”  It means we can’t answer with a pat reply like, fine. We have to think. We have to reply with a response that shares something about who we are and what we believe. It allows the other person to know us better.  It deepens the relationship.  If we then ask the other person what they learned this week, we will know a little more about them.  Quite possibly, we are now engaged in a conversation about things that really matter to each other.

People living in our culture often feel lonely and the COVID-19 Pandemic has magnified those emotions.  “How are you?”  -- “Fine,” doesn’t do much to alleviate those feelings of isolation, loneliness and often, the accompanying depression. People long for deep connections with other humans – we want to be known. Just as we are known by Christ who knows our every thought, our every action and still loves us unconditionally; we long to be known by other humans.

I guess if someone asked me what I learned this past week, I might reply, “Life is too short and very precious. Don’t take friends for granted. Tomorrow isn’t always a luxury that we have.”

I’m not sure why, as humans, we keep so many of our interactions with other humans superficial, when we all have this longing to be known.  I suspect it has something to do with feeling vulnerable.  Maybe, if they know who I truly am they won’t like me.  Maybe they will use the information I share to hurt me. 

Reality is quite different. The more we know of each other, the more accepting and loving we become.  It is in sharing our stories and listening to each other, that we, “Walk a mile in their moccasins.”

So that is my Lenten challenge to you this week. Rather than always asking how someone else is doing, ask, “What have you learned this past week?”  Perhaps in the answer, the knowing and the being known, you will find a place where you experience acceptance and a deep peace.

Amen.